A Swimsuit Story

Just for the record, I grew up wearing swimsuits almost everyday. I still spend weeks at a time in the summer in nothing but a swimsuit. I've always been comfortable with it, because somehow as a teenager I realized that even models don't have perfect bodies. That being said, this did not make me feel very great about myself.

We're going to Cozumel in a month. I need swimsuits that can hold up under stress. I wakeboard, waterski, scuba dive, etc; I don't lay out. Something cheap and flimsy isn't going to make the cut. I wanted a new, preferably 1 piece, swimsuit. The finding of which was not as simple as it seems. Walking through all the stores that I would normally shop in, I found nothing but bikinis. I said, "I don't want a bikini. Just because I could wear one, doesn't mean I should. It's immodest." Wes says, "I think I deserve for you to have a bikini." Thanks, you're a big help. I'm trying to stick to my principles.

Looking in more mature sections of stores, I found mostly tankinis with matronly skirts. Also, they don't carry anything small enough. My sister says, "they have cute swimsuits at Victoria's Secret online, and their sizing is really accurate." So, I start looking online, and she's right. They do have cute swimsuits. So, I check out my size. It's Victoria's Secret so naturally you go by bra size. First it says measure around your ribs and under your chest, then add 5 inches. So I measure and I'm 29 inches, add 5, I'm 34. Sounds like a normal band size. Then, you're supposed to measure around the fullest part of your chest, and take 34 away from that. If you were 35 around your chest, and a 34 band that 1 inch difference would make you an A cup. Well, instead of being a positive number I got a negative number; minus 3 inches! That's not even an AAA! I knew I was flat. Most of the time I don't wear a bra because they're all too big. But negative 3 kinda hurt my feelings. All those closest to me had a good laugh about it, as well they should.

Back to the swimsuit story. Victoria's secret doesn't make a swimsuit that would fit me. I went shopping with my sister again for swimsuits, this is like the 3rd day in a row. And I caved I bought this really cute Roxy bikini with some cute board shorts. I looked good in it. I felt covered; as covered as a slight exhibitionist might need to feel. The whole time I'm feeling like the Devil has me right where he wants me. I get home after all of these things and show Wes and he says, "Are the bottoms a little small? They're kind of cutting your butt in 1/2 like you have 4 butt cheeks." Great, so I have no boobs and a squishy butt that bulges in swimsuit bottoms. My husband know just how to make me feel beautiful. At this point I'm strongly considering some kind of procedure to suck the fat from my butt and insert it into my chest. Mostly because Wes recommended it. Thanks a lot.

Wes takes me back to Dillard's to return the butt bulging bikini, that I was really starting to have moral issues with. I would hate to scandalize the Longhurst family vacation because I have a bikini. And just because society demands I have a bikini by offering no other alternatives, doesn't mean that I have to go along with it! The Dillard's at Fashion Place had more alternatives than South Towne and I found a really cute 1 piece that isn't cut weird around to the front. And it fits me!!! When I lean over you can't see what little I have, and it doesn't squish my butt in half. What a happy ending.

And since the Victoria's Secret measuring fiasco, I've been eyeing the training bras at Target. I finally bought myself one last night. And it fits! Embarrassing, but true.